for you i will

I'll waste my time with you

but time with you isn't wasted at all

Time spent laughing

Can't help but smile when I see you

Even if we have our differences

even when I mess up

You forgive me unconditionally

I'll swallow my pride for you

Fight for you

Cry for you

You bring light into my darkest dreams

a ray of sun shine

penetrating the dark clouds

 

tormenting me

"Hope

Dangles on a string

like slow spinning redemption"

I'm done with this despondent pursuit

for the one thing we all yearn for so desperately

it's not worth it anymore

 we only have one life to live

one heart to give

when does this agony end?

translucent

If I didn't look like the way I look

If I didn't speak the way I speak

Would we have ever met?

If I erased all those forced smiles and laughs

If I didn't hold back my tears

Would we still be friends? 

If I just went along with it all

and did what everyone else was doing

Would I still be me?

If I washed off all my make up

and didn't wear these nice clothes

Would you see me as the same person?

If I judge too quickly

and If I am too selfish

Would you hate me?

If I'm vulnerable and bare

Would you still love me?

forever & always

here's to everything

coming down to nothing

here's to silence that cuts me to the core

thought I knew you for minute but I don't anymore

I don't know what to do anymore; I don't know how to fix this.

How can we ever go back to how it used to be?

Did you forget everything?

...po po shut us down

Today, my mom gave me another one of those spiels where the point of the spiel isn't very clear until the very end. In her very excellent American accent, she told me how she hates the police. why? Because they give her so many speeding tickets (she is the stereotypical female Asian driver hands down). She went on about how different courts had different payment policies, some only accepted money order, others only cash. Blah blah blah five minutes later...she concluded that you shouldn't hate ALL police, because some do good "stuff". Like ensuring public safety by pulling her over?

Good story, mom.

what now?

Yesterday, my mom showed me a newspaper article about Yu na Kim, the Korean Olympian ice skater from this years Winter Olympics. Yu na started ice skating when she was 10 years old, and her mom saw talent in her. From a young age, Yu Na set her goal to be as good as Michelle Kwan. Her mother frequently sent her to America for rigorous ice skating training camps. Basically what my mom was trying to get at was, no matter how talented you are, you still have to work hard.

I'm no where near as strong as Yu Na. When I get frustrated or when things get difficult, I want to give up. I feel hopeless; no matter what I do now, there's no way I can make it. I start making excuses; I can't be better than her, she's so much more athletic and taller, and she's had more training than me. I lose confidence; I let my team down, I should have been taken out. I can't do this. In all the whirlwind of emotions, I forget why I'm doing it in the first place. What's the point? 

I love it. It's as simple as that. It's worth sacrificing my time, sweat, tears, and my body. I do it for myself and my teammates. I have to pick myself back up, point's over, next ball. There's no use thinking about the past; what's done is done. No use thinking about the future either. I make my future now, right here in the present. What I do this instant determines the outcome later. The amount of work I put it now determines if I make the team, nothing is set in stone. Worrying about the future can only deter me from my goal, distract me from my path. I have to keep straight, looking ahead to the end of this rocky road. Endure a little longer, and before you know it you've reached your destination. Don't wonder about the future, don't retrospect on the past, just do it right now.

"You must be strong now. You must never give up. And when people make you cry and you are afraid of the dark, don't forget the light is always there."

the little things

It's the simple things that bring smiles to faces. The best part is that you don't have to do anything big, expensive, or insanely ornate to turn that frown upside down :)
All it takes is a moment of consideration to show your appreciation for that person! That's why I came up with the genius idea of cookie day! 

Baking those delicious peanut butter chocolate chunk cookies made me happy just thinking about how happy it would make the people I gave them to. Honestly the best thing about baking, or making anything in general, is the joy of giving it to someone else. Albeit cookies can't solve every problem in the world, they just make your day a little bit better (I hope). 

It's shameful to admit, but nevertheless true, I catch myself being greedy more than generous. Thinking back, it really disappoints me. Some say it's just part of human nature, but in my opinion, that doesn't provide a valid excuse for such behavior. It wouldn't kill me to give a little more, as I am extremely fortunate already having plenty of food, a warm home, and loving family and friends. Why is it that when we have a lot, we still want more? This is something I'm positive everyone deals with, but has difficulty coming to terms with. There's so many things that we can live without, it all comes down to luxury versus necessity, something we've all learned in elementary school. We, humans, can either resist greed, or give into it. I have no doubt in my mind that I will be fighting it for the rest of my life.

Comment and tell me your rationale.

"Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching the satisfaction."

Music, the beautiful disturber of air

"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music."  lawl.

THE BEATLES-  I am definetly not a major fan of oldies music, but after taking the time to listen, I love the Beatles. Title of this blog is after their song The Long and Winding Road.
Some favorite songs no particular order:

• We can work it out
• Come together
• Hey Jude
• Eleanor Rigby
• Help!
• She Loves You

 Ke$ha- If I had a car, this is what would be blasting with the base
turned up all the way

• Tik Tok
• Dinasour (SPELLING SONGS AWESOME)
• Blah Blah Blah ft. 30h3
• Backstabber
• Your love is my drug
• Take it Off
• Dirty Picture ft. Taio Cruz

Black Eyed Peas- I'm Blasian, dis is my swag.

• Imma Be (best song eveeer)
• Boom Boom Pow
• Meet Me Halfway
• Ring a Ling
• I Gotta Feeling
• My Humps
• Fergalicious  (Fergie's single, another educational spelling song)

Weather report for today: rain

A lot of people like the rain, and unfortunately I just don't. Other than the overwhelming humidity that makes my hair frizz and feel stuffy and sweaty, everything's gray! How can that NOT ruin your day? Everything is duller, less vibrant and lively.I found that I become grumpy, and the whole rest of my day is off. It sounds really cliche and all, that sunshine, butterflies and chirping birds are happy, but that's why they're cliches: they're true. Most of all, rain makes me wet, and being wet makes me cold. I'm always cold. Maybe I'm a vampire...


Luckily I'm not in Forks (Twilight fans [: ), because I know that the sun will come out and shine again. Hope is all we live for really, isn't it? In the long run, we hope for happiness, love, money, status, family etc. It's what keeps us going, knowing that tomorrow will come brings us hope. I suppose in the short term, tomorrow gives me hope for a sunny day (wear sunscreen!). Behind those thick, gray rain clouds is the sun, burning bright, waiting to shine.

"When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so and they have to get better. "